I used to see mental health and therapy as foreign words; a reality that did not apply to me. And throughout the years, I went from being a moody teenager to an over-annoyed overachieving journalism student; always discontent. I knew there were loads of things I didn’t like, where I constantly felt like I didn’t belong, but I never stopped to ask what it was I wanted. I never took the time to stop and try to understand my emotions, until I started traveling.
By Little Chilean
As you may know, and as we’ve read in this magazine a few times before, society hasn’t given mental health care enough space. And as we grow up, we become another piece of this society roulette, following the same steps as our parents and their parents, and so on. So, for me, caring for my own mental health didn’t seem to deserve enough of my worries.
However, personal concerns, self-judgment, existential doubts and unhappiness due to a lack of self-knowledge had been very present throughout my life, regardless of my understanding of what it was.
It would translate into peer pressure, social conflicts and many many family conflicts. I was one of those people that spent way too much time saying YES to plans because it was the cool thing to do, or No because I didn’t want to be mainstream. In any case, just followed what seemed that everyone else was doing, but constantly felt like I was doing it wrong.
Through all these years, I’d rarely stopped and really asked myself what it was that I wanted to do. What felt right? Or simply asked myself if “would you be happier staying at home watching a movie than going to that club?” I almost never did. Instead, I’d blame it on my social awkwardness, on being an introvert, as if that was something bad.
I’m only adding this as context because when I say this out loud, I’ve since realized that it simply sounds silly. Why would I have spent so much time complaining about everything, feeling out of place, but never giving myself the time to listen to what my inner me was trying to say? By then, I never appreciated or considered the value of learning to know and listen to myself or caring for my own mental health.
Traveling Changed My Life
For me, traveling almost happened as an accident. It is one of those stories that happened to a lot of people, but at the moment, you never realize there are more out there who feel the same thing you are. I was living in my apartment in the capital, working a full-time steady job, in an almost 5 years relationship, having checked all the boxes I was supposed to by then. And yet, I felt completely stressed and out of place most of the time.
My best friend told me she was moving to another country and in a few short months, without me realizing what or why I was doing it, I was on a plane heading to the other side of the world. It felt surreal and, during the first month, like it was a very expensive bad decision.
6 years later, I’m still living abroad, have changed countries, moved cities and discovered more gems than I could have ever imagined I would get the chance to see in real life. That felt even more surreal. But I was doing something for myself, I was listening to my gut feeling, I was following my intuition and discovering new passions.
I saw myself shine in a way that I never even knew I could. I succeeded and failed many times, and I laughed and cried many others. A traveler's life can be very lonely, but every step of the way I got the chance to do it for myself. I learn to say no to plans I didn’t feel like doing, I learnt to have dinner and go to the movies by myself, and discovered the joy of strolling alone in a new city for the fun of feeding my curiosity.
By then, silly society concerns stop mattering so much. I learned that being true to myself is more attractive than going on that trip or to this party. I learned to love the time with myself, and to fascinate with the day-to-day life of other cultures. And, a very important one, I learned the value of going to therapy and what a psychologist can do for us.
Why do we need to prioritize our mental health?
Simply put, following everyone else’s path, even when we’re not at all feeling related to it, hurts. It can really weigh on a person to feel that they’re out of place all the time.
I once read a quote that said something like, “I used to think I was an introvert. Turns out, I’m very much an extrovert when I feel comfortable”. This resonated so much with me. All those years hating my personality and accumulating so many negative thoughts because I wasn’t in the right setting, because I didn't know I could feel more comfortable. I didn’t know how to take myself to a different place or atmosphere, or even what to look for.
And that’s what traveling taught me, that learning to listen to myself and prioritizing my mental health has its clear rewards. Because when we are in such a different scenario, as traveling usually puts us in, we’re forced to get out of our comfort zone, to stop being afraid of the “what would they think?”, and start being where it feels right.
While traveling, I met hundreds of people that have felt the same way in their lives, it was so eye-opening and so comforting to realize that I wasn’t so bad all this time. Those new scenarios we get to experience almost daily when we live abroad, we realize that, even with all of us being so incredibly different from one another, we can be so amazingly comfortable. Travelers get to connect in a way that make us feel good about ourselves, while we see our relationships ever-growing becoming a family.
4 years after I started this “new life”, I knew that I could be a whole different person than what I thought I could; happier. I understood that it was OK to simply be me, but most importantly, that it was OK to invest time in listening to myself, in being a bit selfish, in pampering me and giving me all the self-care moments I may need.
So, to top it up, I started online therapy. Nowadays, I see her every 1 to every 3 weeks, and it’s become a habit, a habit as healthy as eating my veggies and cutting out on alcohol. It simply feels good. I’ve touched on expectations, anxiety, new concerns, and childhood wounds, and, I’m learning to stop judging myself.
Still, obviously, there is a long way to go. I still feel out of place from time to time, but I’ve learned to be selfish and remove myself from those scenarios until I feel myself again, until I’m comfortable in my own skin.
So, this month, celebrating mental health month, I wanted to share this very personal story. I hope if you made it all the way here, that you remember you’re amazing and that there’s nothing wrong with you. Sometimes, all it takes is prioritizing our mental health to be happier.
